A Sense of Justice
by Melodylink
Summary: I want you to have the best ... and you deserve much better than me." Usagi faces the hardest decision she has ever had to make. U/M, post break-up.


**A Sense of Justice**

_"Tears are falling on my storybook,_

_Colours running, I don't want to look._

_There's a cloud on my looking glass,_

_Full of questions, I'm afraid to ask..."_

_Whiteheart_

"Sailor Moon!"

Usagi flinched at the sound of Rei's angry voice and landed unsteadily on her feet, stumbling a little in her booted heels. Slime coated the ground beneath her feet turning the dirt into mud, and she found herself desperately scrabbling for purchase. She regained her feet just in time to dodge a particularly noxious spurt of slime headed her way.

A huge green youma loomed over her, dripping with slime. It's vaguely humanoid features were twisted with rage, and Usagi could see dark energy pulsing around it as it geared itself up for another attack. She squealed and backed away, tripping over her own heels. It laughed maniacally at her distress, and aimed another blast of slime at her, this one laced with dark energy. Terrified, Usagi tried to run, but her boots skidded in the mud and she slammed into the ground instead. Winded and aching, she barely retained the instinct to roll as she hit the ground. The slime exploded onto the ground where she had been lying seconds before, splashing her with hot acid-like drops. Before she could do more than scramble backwards, another bolt of dark energy was heading her way. Sprawled helplessly on the ground, Usagi desperately raised her arm to protect herself from the dark energy. It hit her gloved arm and her hand exploded with pain, but she managed to deflect the brunt of the assault away from her.

The youma cackled at her again, and raised its arm for another shot when a fireball raced over Usagi and hit it squarely in the head. It reared backwards, clawing at its face in pain.

"Do it now, Sailor Moon," shouted Rei over the noise of the battle. "Don't just lie there like an idiot!"

Usagi scrambled to her feet and reached for her scepter. "…Moon …" Power swept through her body and she channeled it out towards the youma. "…Healing…" The scepter spun in her hands, and she almost choked as she felt her right hand rip open with the force of the movement. Power blazed through her, and she gave herself up to the all-encompasssing feeling, unable to stop. "….ACTIVATION!" Waves of exquisite pain flooded her, and she felt it burn through the youma, eradicating the evil.

Slowly, the feeling subsided, and she became aware of the world around her again. The youma was dusted. Slime coated the ground around her, and she could feel it drip from her clothes.

Looking up, Usagi saw the other senshi making their way through the slime towards her. Mercury and Jupiter stopped halfway to attend to the bodies of the humans the youma had drained of energy before they had arrived on the scene. Venus headed towards the inevitable crowd of onlookers to check that no one had sustained an injury there.

However, the Senshi of Mars strode straight towards her, dark hair swaying smoothly with her movements. Her eyes were dark and flashing; and Usagi's heart sank as she prepared herself for another scolding.

"Sailor Moon," she began, dark eyes boring into Usagi and right through her again. Sometimes Rei reminded Usagi of her teachers at school, always seeing her flaws. "What did you think you were doing out there?" she demanded.

Even in the face of an impending scolding, Usagi found a moment to admire how graceful Rei was. How could anyone not be envious of the way Rei seemed to make every move like a supermodel, all fire and beauty and grace. Usagi felt awkward in front of her, with hands that trembled and a face flushed pink. Rei started to berate her soundly for her behaviour during the battle. Usagi had been clumsier than usual, and Mars wasn't about to let her go without a reprimand.

"You need to pick up your act, Sailor Moon!" she demanded. "You are putting civilians in danger with your clumsiness. People almost died here tonight! You need to be more careful!"

Usagi clenched her fist under the force of Mars' onslaught, and felt something hot and sticky drip down the side of her right hand. She half opened her fist and looked down in surprise to see fat drops of blood sliding slowly around her fingers. Rei shouted something else at her, but she wasn't quite listening, opening her fingers to see a jagged cut running the length of her palm. Blood was pooling in her open hand, and she quickly closed it, not wanting Mars to see.

The sudden silence made her aware that Rei had finished her lecture, and was staring at her. "Well?" she demanded.

Usagi had no idea what Rei had said. She floundered, searching desperately for something to say in her defense. "I did the best I could," she said finally. It sounded lame even to her ears.

Rei scowled at her. "Well, it's not good enough anymore," she said. "People depend on you, and you almost let them down. What happens if we're not there to pick up the slack next time?"

Usagi shrugged helplessly, feeling awful. Rei's eyes softened as she looked at her, and she relaxed abruptly. "Go home," she said in a more normal tone of voice. "We'll talk about this at training tomorrow."

Rei strode off to help the other senshi with the wounded. Usagi was left standing on her own. With a sigh, she slipped behind a convenient tree. She checked that no one was watching and de-transformed back into her school uniform before heading towards home. It was still mid-afternoon, but she didn't feel she had the energy for going back to school. She would only miss the last period anyway, and it was maths. No way was she in any state to do maths.

The hot sunshine burned the top of her head, but she felt cold and sick, as she always did after particularly violent rows with Rei. Rei's words swam in her head like a continuous litany of all her shortcomings, weighing down on her shoulders like a huge boulder. It was a while before she became conscious of the fact that her feet weren't taking her towards her home. She walked almost blindly down the street, and it wasn't until she saw the high arched gate of Mamoru's college entrance that she realised where she was headed. _Mamo-chan,_ she thought, cheering up. Mamoru would make her feel better.

Waves of people were flooding out the gates as she approached, and she realised that classes must have just finished. She started to peer this way and that past the sea of college students talking and laughing about private jokes. A few turned their heads at the sight of a pretty little girl in a school uniform, but all Usagi could see were unfamiliar faces. Someone swung their bag too close to her and the corner of it hit her in the stomach, making her stumble in the crowd.

"Ow!" she cried. "Hey, watch where you're going!"

The student who had knocked into her didn't hear, but the sound of her voice made another student look up from the book he was glancing through. Usagi saw him at the same moment.

"Mamo-chan!" she cried out gladly, and the next moment, Mamoru was stumbling off balance from the torpedo-like suddenness of Usagi's arms around his waist.

"Usako," Mamoru muttered, embarrassed by the crowd of staring university students. "Not here," he said.

"I'm so glad to see you, Mamo-chan," said Usagi happily into his chest, ignoring him. "I just had the worst argument with Rei-chan." She squeezed him tighter, trying to wriggle as close to him as possible.

Mamoru fidgeted uncomfortably, aware of all the eyes on them. He caught the glance of his physics lecturer and flushed, pulling Usagi into a corner to the side of the building, out of plain sight. Usagi hugged him again enthusiastically, and he held it for a moment before letting go.

"You shouldn't hug me like that in public, Usako," he said with a slight frown. "People could see."

"I don't care," Usagi bounced back from him happily. "I don't care if the whole world knows. We love each other, and that's more important than what any silly old people think, right, Mamo-chan?"

He smiled awkwardly. "Yes, of course, Usako," he said, but as Usagi brightened, added quickly. "But, look, I could get into real trouble if one of my lecturers saw me with you, or one of my employers did, and got the wrong idea."

Usagi took a step back, confused. "What do you mean, Mamo-chan?"

He ran his hand through his hair nervously, "I just think that it would be better if we weren't so … public … about our relationship," he said. "It's just so people won't get the wrong idea."

"The wrong idea," echoed Usagi.

Mamoru nodded. "It's just that you are so young. I mean, I shouldn't even be really talking to you, let alone being with you in public."

He put his arms out and drew Usagi forward to rest in his arms. "It'll be easier when you're older," he said comfortingly. " and we won't have to hide so much." He kissed the top of her head. "I promise, Usako."

Usagi rested her head on his chest and said nothing, her eyes thoughtful.

* * *

"Usagi-chan!"

Usagi froze as she was tiptoeing across the hallway, and turned slowly to face an angry Ikuko.

Her mother was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, holding a sheet of paper with an alarming number of red crosses scrawled over it.

""Twenty-nine percent!" she said, her eyes blazing. "How could you possibly get twenty-nine percent in your exam? I thought you spent all last week studying for it at Rei-san's."

Usagi winced guiltily. Last week had been an awful week for youma, with one appearing almost every night. To cover for her absence, she had told her mother that she was studying every night at Cherry Tree Temple with Rei and the others. And she had really intended to study, for some of it at least, but after spending half the night fighting youma, the last thing she wanted to do was open a textbook.

Ikuko glared at her daughter. "I can't believe that after all this time, you are still not even trying to put some effort into your study. Twenty-nine percent! That's the lowest score you have gotten all year!"

Usagi said nothing. Frankly, she was surprised that she had got that much of the exam right.

"What is wrong with you?" Ikuko continued, switching seamlessly from anger to disappointment. "Why don't you care? Haven't I brought you up right?"

Usagi winced to see what looked like tears on her mother's face. She felt like she was made of glass, fragile and transparent.

Ikuko turned, seeming to shrink into the hallway. "Nothing I say seems to make a difference," she said in a small, tight voice. "Go up to your room. I've given up."

Usagi stared at her mother's back in horror, guilt flooding over her like a torrent. She had made her mother cry. Her _mother_. She had let everyone down now, the Sailor Senshi, Mamoru, even her own family. She started to tremble violently, the backlash of emotion finally catching up with her. At that moment, there was a sound at the door. Shingo and Chibi-Usa were home. Usagi took one last look at her mother, and bolted up the stairs to her room where she slammed the door as if there were hounds from hell at her heels.

* * *

Usagi was sobbing on her bed, deep, heartrending sobs that seemed to come from her very core. Chibi-Usa hovered in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Usually she didn't take much notice of Usagi's tears. Usagi cried all the time, usually over little things, and her tears usually dried just as fast. But something was different about the way she was crying now, and Chibi-Usa was frightened. Something was really wrong.

Chibi-Usa took one step into the room, wanting to try and comfort Usagi, but the sight of Usagi's misery was too much. She hastily backtracked. She would fetch Luna. Luna would know what to do.

The moon was out before Chibi-Usa found Luna and brought her back. When the pair softly entered the room, they found Usagi sitting up on her bed and staring out of the window. She had stopped crying, although there was evidence of tears on her face. She looked … different somehow. Older, perhaps. In the moonlight, her hair was bleached almost silver, and Luna was reminded sharply of Queen Serenity.

Luna studied Usagi carefully, and then motioned for Chibi-Usa to leave. Luna could see that Usagi was in real pain, and Chibi-Usa might accidentally say something that would make it worse. Chibi-Usa hesitated at Luna's gesture, clearly torn between wanting to help and the temptation to let Luna deal with Usagi. Luna smiled at her to let her know it was okay to go, and Chibi-Usa gratefully retreated, hoping that Luna could make it all better.

Usagi didn't turn her head when Luna jumped onto the bed beside her. Luna was silent for a long time before she finally spoke.

"Usagi-chan, what's wrong?"

Usagi continued to stare out of the window. Luna waited. Long minutes passed, and just when Luna was about to ask again, Usagi spoke.

"There was a youma attack at lunchtime today," she said. "I cut my hand open."

Luna half stood, moving closer to her. "Are you alright?"

Usagi nodded without taking her eyes off the moon. "Some civilians were hurt much worse." Her voice dropped a notch. "Rei said it was my fault. That I didn't train hard enough. That I wasn't quick enough."

Luna opened her mouth to agree with Rei, but Usagi saved her the trouble. "She was right", she said softly. "Those people … they could have been killed."

Luna butted her head against Usagi's arm in a comforting gesture. "That's alright," she said. "They didn't die, and you can train harder for next time. Then you won't have anything to worry about." Luna expected Usagi to relax at this, but she still didn't turn away from the window. Luna waited, sure that this wasn't the only thing that was bothering Usagi. Sure enough, Usagi fidgeted with the bandage on her hand, obviously not finished. Finally, she said in a voice that trembled slightly.

"Luna, can … can Mamo-chan really get in trouble for being seen with me?"

Luna looked at her, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"After the battle today, I went to see Mamo-chan at his school, and he said that he could get into trouble if his professors saw me with him. He said that they could get the wrong idea."

Luna made a noise deep in her throat. "I see," she said.

"Do you think that he's right?" Usagi asked, her voice uneven and her eyes still averted.

Luna sighed. "He is probably right," she said. "Mamoru is much older than you, and most people don't know the full story with you two. It's natural for other people to assume … well, the worst."

"And you think that he could get into trouble for that? Even lose his job?"

Luna nodded slowly. "It's possible."

Usagi was silent for a long time. When Luna looked up at her, she saw tears sliding down her face.

"Oh, Usagi-chan," she said softly. "Don't cry. None of this matters to Mamoru-san, I'm sure."

Usagi wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, and closed her eyes. Luna rubbed her head against her hand, trying to give her some comfort. "Would you like to come down and have something to eat?" she said. "I'm sure all this will look better in the morning."

Usagi opened her eyes and turned to face Luna for the first time since she had entered the room, and Luna almost fell off the bed in shock. Usagi looked like she had aged years overnight. Her eyes had always been pools of sparkling water, alive and vibrant. Now they had hardened into twin sapphires, crystallised with grief.

"No, thank you, Luna," she said quietly. "There's something I have to do."

* * *

Mamoru jogged towards the park, struggling to free his mind from sleep. The phone had woken him from a restless sleep. Usagi had been on the other end, her voice strange. She had asked him to meet her at the park as soon as possible and disconnected before he could ask her why or what for.

Now he was almost at the park, worried and confused as he ran along the footpath. Suddenly he saw a figure ahead of him, silhouetted in the moonlight. He sped up, and came to a stop a few feet away.

The figure turned at his approach. It was Usagi, and Mamoru could tell at once that something was wrong. Her posture was rigid, and the moonlight was shining on tear tracks running down her face.

"Usako," he started. "What's the matter?"

She took a deep, shuddering breath, and a few more tears escaped down her face. Mamoru stepped forward immediately, meaning to take her into his arms, but she stepped back at his approach, holding her hands up as if to stop him. He halted, confused and worried. "Usako, please tell me what's wrong."

Usagi took a deep breath. "I … I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Mamoru laughed. "What?" he said incredulously, thinking it was some kind of joke, but Usagi's face was serious, and he sobered quickly. "What do you mean; we shouldn't see each other anymore?"

"Just that," Usagi said, her voice trembling. "I'm not good for you, Mamo-chan. You deserve better than me."

Mamoru couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Usagi have gotten this idea into her head? He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Usako," he started, taking a step forward as if to touch her. Usagi stepped back quickly, out of reach of his hands.

"I'm serious," she said softly. "We can't be together anymore."

Mamoru scowled at her words, and stepped forward again, determined to catch hold of her. She jumped back out of his way, and he stopped, hurt that she would avoid him, wondering if this was all some kind of crazy dream. If it was, he wished fervently that he would wake up. The night breeze swept through the space between them and Mamoru took a half step beck with a shudder. The wind was bitterly cold, emphasizing the distance that had suddenly grown between them.

"I don't understand," he said finally, quietly.

Her eyes were almost unrecognizable. Her face was swollen with crying, but twin sapphires, distant as ice in winter, gazed at him unflinchingly. He could feel the sadness within her, but it had hardened into resolve. She was determined, as determined as the Senshi of Justice could be.

"I won't let you get hurt because of me," she said.

"Usako, I don't understand-"

She interrupted him, her voice firm. "I have already decided, Mamoru. This is for the best."

"But- " he stammered, desperation leaking into his tone, "But, Usako, I thought … I _know_ you love me."

Instead of breaking down into tears, or even launching herself into his arms as he half-expected her too, Usagi smiled, a hard, brittle thing.

"I do love you, Mamoru," she said softly. "More than anything else in the entire world. More than I ever thought I could love another person."

Mamoru smiled in relief, and took a half step forward, but was arrested by the look in her eyes.

"And because I love you, I want you to have the best. I want you to be happy. And I've finally come to realise that you deserve much better than me. So I'm letting you go."

Mamoru took a half step forward, arms reaching out. "But, Usako-"

She shook her head. "Goodbye, Mamoru," she said softly. She turned on her heel without another look around.

"Usako, wait!" cried Mamoru.

But she was already gone.


End file.
